


My Favourite Part

by HowILearnedToLoveTheBomb



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Implied abuse, Not Compliant with Avatar Comics, Ty Lee POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:46:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27852770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HowILearnedToLoveTheBomb/pseuds/HowILearnedToLoveTheBomb
Summary: One time he let me put a whole fish by the cage of an armadillo bear. Keep low to the ground and speak softly, he told me. It didn’t take its eyes off me the whole time, but it didn’t snarl either.Ty Lee does things sometimes and she doesn't know why. Most of the time they involve Azula.Several years after the war, Ty Lee and Azula come face to face in the prison where she is being guarded.Tyzula oneshot
Relationships: Azula/Ty Lee (Avatar)
Comments: 20
Kudos: 83





	My Favourite Part

**Author's Note:**

> tw implied abuse throughout
> 
> this fic came to me almost fully realised and i churned it out in a couple of hours. enjoy

Azula always breaks what she loves. I tried telling that to Mai once. It was on one of those long days when the storm clouds are so dark and it’s like everything is buzzing, waiting for them to split open, waiting for the rains to flood the lakes in Caldera. When there are so many mosquito flies around you have to squint them out of your eyes. We were both busy those days, and I only visited Caldera when no other Kyoshi Warrior was able to. I tried to avoid it, if I’m being honest. Suki didn’t mind but she was always quick to remind me our mission was bigger than me. There were some things I had to let go of.

We didn’t talk about Azula much. I wanted to, more than Mai at least. It took me ages to put it into words, and at first I wasn’t sure if she had heard me at all. She just went quiet for a while. But this wasn’t her normal quiet, where what you’ve said is so boring she doesn’t bother answering. And then she looked at me. Watchful, searching. The same kind of look she used to give me when we were travelling together. I never liked that look, and I had never known if she even liked me. Sometimes I still didn’t know, but we still caught up all the same. It was like she was trying to think what to say. 

I think Mai felt sorry for me. She told me Azula doesn’t know what love is, but I didn’t believe her. I think I shrugged my shoulders, and we spoke about something else.

I shouldn’t have said anything.

* * *

At first she is yelling. Or howling. It’s more like howling, actually. Halfway between shouting and crying. The key’s still hanging from the lock. I didn’t bother removing it. It’s one of those copper ones that are heavier than they look. The heaviness makes them feel like they should be more secure, like no one could ever break open the lock they fit with. But they’re easy. You just need a thin little pick. I always thought that was funny. Something so solid and strong only needs to be prodded in the right points and it breaks right open. One of the boys who ran with my circus showed me one day. I think he used to pick pockets too. He’d walk through the crowds selling fire flakes and he’d finish the night with far too many silver pieces for what he sold. I don’t know what he did before he joined up. I always felt too awkward to ask, but I think he’d been there far longer than me. He tried to teach me how to pick a lock, but I never got the hang of it. He teased me with a grin too wide with too few teeth and promised to teach me one day.

Even though the doors open, she still stays on her bed in the corner, howling at me. She says so many vile things, but it’s nothing I’ve not heard before.

* * *

The first time we kissed, she started crying. I don’t know why I did it. I just felt like it, I guess, and I’d kissed her before I even thought about what I was doing. I didn’t even know if she liked girls. But then, I’d never liked a girl before Azula.

She was already wearing her nightclothes. Normally she didn’t change out of her armour until she went into her tent, but that night we were just sitting out by the campfire. Mai had already gone to her tent. She was probably writing letters back home, or maybe she was writing in the diary she’d kept since she was 8 years old that Azula found one day and showed to me.

So it was just me and Azula, sitting up and talking. And even when we had run out of tinder, she just kept it alight herself. That’s how I knew she actually wanted to stay up with me. Sometimes it wasn’t obvious what she wanted, but that night I knew. I can’t even remember what we were talking about but I do remember that she wasn’t wearing any makeup. She had already taken it off, and I kept thinking how different she looked. I kept thinking that even with no lipstick, her lips looked so pink, and I couldn’t figure out why she even bothered putting it on in the first place. We were sitting so close together, and I remember  _ she  _ had sat next to  _ me _ . 

So I just did it. I just kissed her. And she kissed me back. And the fire got smaller until it was just embers giving off light. And she kissed me, at least until I put my hand to her cheek. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I just let her kiss me, if I didn’t make her feel like she was losing control. I felt her stop, but I didn’t want to open my eyes, not yet,  _ just let me have this for a moment longer _ , and she pushed me off. And the look she gave me; it was like I had slapped her instead of kissed her, even though she kissed me back. A  _ how could you _ kind of look. She went back to her tent, didn’t say another word to me that night, and I was so mixed up about it all I sat there looking at the embers until they went out as well.

It was only when I got into my tent, and she would have heard me get in, that I heard her. Didn’t she realise how the sound carried? I never saw Azula cry. Not even when her mother left. Not when her brother was banished. Not when I told her I was running away from home. She must have always waited until she was alone to cry. And I didn’t understand why, because for me, that kiss had been like a piece that had been missing. I didn’t understand what there was to cry about.

* * *

There’s always two Kyoshi Warriors guarding this wing of the prison. The Imperial soldiers are in charge. They manage the food, the facilities, and they keep all the keys. We aren’t allowed to touch those. It’s a Fire Nation prison, and we’re not welcome here. It doesn’t matter that I’m from the Fire Nation, or that my family outranks the warden’s several times over. We’re all the same when we have our uniform on. 

Suki does her best to keep the peace with the warden. She’s so good at that. She remembers the names of all the soldiers, she’s very diplomatic with the warden but it doesn’t make a difference. And they only defer to us when they get a direct command to from Zuko himself. But even then they don’t trust us, and they don’t like having Earth Kingdom warriors stationed in a Fire Nation prison. 

At first I was always rostered on with Suki. I guess she didn’t trust me here either. But it has been months now, and I’ve proven to be reliable, and I’m here with Rin. I’ve left her for a moment to visit the warden. Rin doesn’t know that, but she doesn’t have to. Not yet.

The warden doesn’t bother looking at me when I stand at his door. I guess he thinks it’s beneath him, and he doesn’t answer to me anyway, so maybe it is beneath him. Maybe I am beneath him. It doesn’t irritate me anymore, when people act like that. It’s always so funny, seeing them look so shocked when they crumple to the floor. From face-on, the best place to hit is at their neck, right behind their ear. I didn’t even go around his desk. I just leant over his papers and pressed.

He kept her key separate from the rest. She’s the most valuable prisoner, so he took an extra precaution, I guess. I guess he doesn’t trust any of the guards then, not just the Kyoshi Warriors. I don’t feel bad though, seeing him on the floor like that. This isn’t about him. 

* * *

My favourite part of the circus was always the animals. The circus master mainly bought them from live markets in the Earth Kingdom colonies. These half wild beasts would be kept in cages for weeks at a time before they were brought to the tamer. Sometimes when I finished my training early, he’d let me sit and watch as he fed them.

_ We kept them in the cages for their own good _ , he’d say. They’d only attack the others and be injured, or run free and die in the wild if we didn’t. But only for a little while. He’d give them food and stand clear while they ate, and sometimes I’d have to leave the tent, or else they wouldn’t move from their corner.

Come too close and they’d rip your arm off.

One time he let me put a whole fish by the cage of an armadillo bear.  _ Keep low to the ground and speak softly _ , he told me. It didn’t take its eyes off me the whole time, but it didn’t snarl either.

* * *

It’s so wrong to see her in the grime of this cell. She keeps asking why I’m here. Over and over until I don’t think she even realises she’s asking anymore. I’ve never seen her cry this much, but I step softly forward until I’m right in front of her. The closer I get the less she looks at me, but I answer her -  _ I’m here, Azula. I’m here.  _

When I first hold my arms up to put them around her, she slaps them away.  _ It’s okay, I’m here,  _ I tell her, and when I feel her ribs through her rough cotton tunic I have to hold in a gasp. I hug her; maybe it’s the first time she’s been hugged since boiling rock. Instead of pushing me away she actually pulls me closer, and I couldn’t shake her off if I wanted to because of how she grips at my armour. But she keeps asking me why I’m here.  _ I’m not going anywhere without you _ , I say, and I mean it.

She doesn’t believe me until I’ve held her head to my chest and she’s run out of tears to cry. I’m glad she’s stopped asking me, because I don’t really know the answer.

* * *

_ I’m sorry _ , I say. I have to whisper, because I don’t know who is in earshot, but I want her to hear it. It’s not the first time I’ve chi blocked Rin. That was years ago, when I was still fighting on Azula’s side of the war, and the Kyoshi Warriors were just another group of enemies. I remember curling my lip at their uniforms. They seemed so heavy, and I’d only learn later how light they felt to wear.

I’m not just apologising to Rin, whose paralysis makes her heavy in my arms as I move her to a tucked away room, where she won’t be walked in on any time soon. I’m not trying to humiliate her; I can’t imagine anything worse than being found undressed on the floor of a prison. So I cover her up with a spare blanket from an unused cell and I mean it when I apologise. I hate the hurt in her eyes, so I don’t look her in the face when I say  _ I’m sorry.  _ I hope she tells Suki I’m sorry too, but I won’t blame her if she doesn’t.

* * *

We have to be quiet. I think she realises, but she’s clumsy knocking into the heavy chains hammered into the wall (thankfully unused, but there as a reminder), and the odd sob keeps slipping out with her breath. She makes so much noise I have to check to make sure we haven’t been heard.

I leave her with the Kyoshi armour while I check the halls, but no guards have come. And when I’ve come back she has managed to put it on, but she’s still fumbling over the ties. She lets me fix them for her. She watches me with bloodshot eyes, and her arms just hang limp while I dress her up like a doll.

* * *

Azula always did her own makeup, but for some reason, she asked me to do the Kyoshi face paint for her. It always had to be perfect if we were to go unnoticed, so the obvious choice to do her face would be Mai with her steady hand. But she asked me anyway.

I would get nervous doing it, in case I made the wrong mark and would have to scrub at her skin with a rough cloth. But I never made a mistake. It always made me a little sad, to see her disappear under that mask. I was used to disappearing into crowds, but Azula had always stood out. It seemed like such a shame.

She would watch me like a hawk while I painted over her face, biting the tip of my tongue between my teeth in concentration. And when I painted her lips red I swore I could feel the heat rise off her. 

* * *

We have to sneak past the office of the warden to leave. I’m worried sick she might collapse before we’ve even left this wing, but being dressed and painted seems to have given her renewed energy. I whisper to her that we’re running out of time, and that the warden might be stirring. But instead of walking faster she stops dead in her tracks and goes back to the office.

I whine at her to leave it,  _ we have to go _ , but she has never responded to those kinds of pleas. I can hear the warden’s muffled shouting as she steps into the office, and hear a sickening CLANG as her booted foot makes contact with his armoured head. And she appears again as quickly as she had left, and her eyes look like murder. She takes my hand and walks ahead even though I’m the one who knows the way.

* * *

We never stay in one place too long. The Fire Lord’s eyes are everywhere, and I never want to see the Kyoshi Warriors again. I couldn’t bear to face them after that night, I don’t think. So we go to the old colonies, where another woman with black hair and bronze eyes won’t be noticed. 

I’ve never seen so many cherry blossoms,  _ have you Azula?,  _ I ask. After so long in a cell cut out of a volcano, I thought she might like to see them. It was a village my circus passed through one time, and we weren’t able to stop for more than an afternoon. I had always wanted to come back when the blossoms were blooming. She lets us stay an extra night. She doesn’t say why, but she does hold me extra close that night even though it’s not that cold.

She never apologises for everything she’s done. I don’t think she knows how to. Sometimes I imagine disappearing into the night, to remind her what being broken feels like. Mai would say she deserves it, and I don’t know if I agree. 

But Azula doesn’t flinch anymore when I touch her. That’s my favourite part.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! would love to know what you think :)
> 
> you can find me on tumblr @[azuwulastan](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/azuwulastan) for writing updates and atla bullshit posting


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